


Of Ashes and Rubies

by timidGoddess



Series: Godstuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Godstuck, Depictions of Bullying, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, M/M, Marriage, Reincarnation, Soulmates, a lot of fluff and two teenage boys being awkward dorks, but john is too so thats okay, dave is lonely, wrathful gods with a confused john thrown into the mix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2017-12-22 16:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timidGoddess/pseuds/timidGoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is where you wake, where you always wake up – always, fucking /always/ – that familiar feeling of emptiness fills your chest, something like a feeling of… loss…? Loneliness…? Longing…? It settles heavily in your chest like something awful, almost like lead. These heavy feelings are soon being released through your mouth in the form of soft, shuddering sobs and leaking from your eyes in form of these stupid, stupid tears that blur your vision, running down your cheeks in white hot streams. You cover your face with an arm.</p><p>Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, and you’d swear you’re losing your mind with these dreams.</p><p> </p><p>//Reincarnation/Godstuck 2xcombo!//</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally an idea about god husbands fucking im not really sure how this happened, err. well, i certainly didn't want to leave everyone with too little so i've written a good four chapters in advance this summer (i can probably cram another one in before the summer ends, haha) i'll post the other chapters immediately after this one, i suppose

_Gravity is no obstacle._

_You are free as the wind and the air itself._

_You can fly._

_Happiness—you are at peace, the endless blue sky, and the white fluffy clouds rushing under your feet…. if you wished it, you could trace your hand across them – ever so slightly of course – and from your touch could be birthed a soft steady shower of rain, or a blanket of merry-filled, pure snow (so white it would be!), or even a harsh but loving spring wind? A light summer breeze? If you were angry it could turn into a hurricane… But right now you were content, soaring with the wind._

The wind.

 

_The wind that you could feel kissing your cheeks, the wind that you could feel wrapping you in a loving embrace; your face breaks into a smile as it whips through your hair playfully, circling you in challenge. You and the wind race together through those blue, blue, endless skies…_

_And you’re just… so…_ happy _..._

 

 _You feel like laughing out loud, creating breezes – molding gusts of air, just letting everything_ free _– so you do exactly that.  You twirl, you sing, you dash across the skies like a comet._

 

 _You feel like_ dancing _! Who would dance with you? The wind? No, not the wind… you enjoy dancing with it, of course! It’s the best feeling in the universe, having the wind follow your movements, shifting and stirring around you playfully… But the wind is far too wild and free to dance with today…_

_The **Seer** , perhaps? Oh no, no, no… That certainly would not do… She was far too graceful and swift to keep up with! The vibrant yellow of her robes were very dazzling however… maybe another day when you’re feeling brave…_

_The **Witch**? Not her either… but she was fun to dance with! She really was, passionate, radiant, and so very _ honest _… she was your other half (as was expected of your twin sister!) However… there were of course times when she could be the slightest bit…. clumsy… in her excitement and passion for your comfort zones… She could end up putting complete solar systems, and galaxies out of orbit and balance (yet again) if she was too absentminded! Her magnificent black garbs filled with the universe’s stars over shone your own with their radiance when she was dancing anyway –only the Seer could keep up with her in fact! –…. It would probably be far too much for even you to try and keep pace with… Who else could dance with you…?_

_The **Page**?  
            _

_The **Maid**?_

_The **Rouge**?_

_The **Prince**? (Hah! Like he’d even humor you!)_

_No, no, no… none of these would do at all! This was becoming a bit frustrating… You frown – the clouds beneath your feet beginning to tint gray. Who would you pick? Who could be your match; who would be your equal…? Who would dance with you?_

 

_Maybe… just maybe…_

_… The **Knight** …?_

 

_A flash of violate, brilliant, red that compliments your calm and rather playful blue comes to mind. A slow smile comes to your face._

 

Yes!

 

 _You think as the gray tinted clouds surrounding you return to that pure white, he was the one… the one that would dance with you!  Him… your partner… your dearest and most loving knight – your_ husband _._

_With those thoughts you were off – looping, twirling, spinning,_ racing _against the wind even faster than ever! Even the wind has trouble keeping up with you; you’re just going so very **fast** … Hurry! You had to hurry! Why? Because you had to go quickly! Quickly to that person’s side, a grin finds its way onto your face as his familiar brilliant red robes come into sight. Close. So _close _you had to hurry quickly to his side – your partner, the one that would dance with you – you call out his name (that’s odd, you feel like you don’t hear yourself say it...)_

 

_He starts to turn towards you, the beginnings of a smile on his lips – a flash of ash blonde hair and a glimpse of those beautiful, vibrant, crimson red eyes you love so much, he starts to smile… Oh! What a beautiful smile he has!_

_Your Knight holds out his hand, you reach for his hand, your fingers are so close to touching now_ – so close – _so **close** \---!!_

_._

_._

_._

This is where you wake, where you always wake up – always, fucking **_always_** – that familiar feeling of emptiness fills your chest, something like a feeling of… loss…? Loneliness…? Longing…? It settles heavily in your chest like something _awful_ , almost like lead. These heavy feelings are soon being released through your mouth in the form of soft, shuddering sobs and leaking from your eyes in form of those stupid, stupid tears that blur your vision, running down your cheeks in white hot streams. You cover your face with an arm.

 

Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, and you’d swear you’re losing your mind with these dreams.

 


	2. Chapter One

As per usual, you wake up with tears in your eyes; said tear tracks are unwelcome on your cheeks as you grimace, reaching over and shutting off the alarm clock with a frustrated sigh tumbling from your lips. You silently record and tally off to yourself the tenth time this month that you’d actually woken up beaten your alarm clock. Sometimes you missed the days when your sleep was left undisturbed; when your sleep actually felt _restful_ and not at all like dragging yourself out of a dark pit of pure despair and utter disappointment every morning: in a world that just felt gray.  
  
A world with out color – well, in comparison to the vibrant, and absolutely breathtaking dreams you’d been having lately, although you seldom remembered the details properly.  
  
Nonetheless, you’d get out of bed, as routine called for it, and get dressed and ready for school. You’d make yourself a piece of toast and head off to the bus stop to meet up with Jade; you’d proceed to allow your ass to be kicked to heaven, hell, and back down to earth again between classes – oh fuck, the bruises, you’d have to hide the bruises, Jade had been getting suspicious lately…

 

You furrow your eyebrows as you grab your glasses from the nightstand – having set them in their usual spot by your lamp.

 

You set them on your face and startle at a loud thunderclap from outside; there was a terrible storm, left over from the night before, the weather forecast had said that it would probably blow out by noon. Something inside you was fairly skeptical over that particular forecast, the blackened skies you’d seen and the wind you’d felt on your way home from school yesterday weren’t wild enough for that. It wouldn’t _storm_ , but there would certainly be a steady shower that would last all day, and it most definitely wouldn’t stop until it had completely cried itself out and become exhausted –

 

Fuck.

 

You’d went and done it again. You drew in a sharp breath, tossing your bedroom door open, flinching a bit at the sound of a bang. The wind is not a person. The skies do not weep. You remind yourself over and over again, as you head into the upstairs bathroom, slamming the door – you didn’t have to worry about waking anyone up, your father was on a business trip and Jade slept like a rock.

 

You draw in a shaky breath, running a hand through your nest of messy dark locks; making a point to be rather quick to strip down, getting into the shower and shivering for a moment at the predictable stream of what you’d swear up and down to Christ was pure ice before the water steadily heats.  
  
The shower is rather short and brief, once upon a time you _enjoyed_ showers, they’d give you time to think, and collect your thoughts as you’d contemplate your dreams or just your life in general. It used to be nice.  
  
Then, silence with your thoughts became… unnerving… as your dreams had become increasingly more vivid lately. You’d begun to refer to things like the wind and skies like you would your sister Jade, or your Dad, like the both of them were equivalent to _family_. You’d started thinking more and more about that ‘precious person’ you’d always see in your dreams, with pale skin, dressed in that passionate red.

 

Thinking about that person (well, you were starting to get the feeling that he was male, judging from the impression they gave off) – time alone with your thoughts made you anxious. Time alone with your thoughts made you feel as though you were going _insane_.  
  
You let out a soft sigh, shutting off the shower and reaching out to grab a towel off the rack. As you start rubbing your hair dry, you find yourself nearly spacing out again – however you’re quick to catch yourself.  
  
If you didn’t think about it, you wouldn’t have to tell Dad.

 

And Dad wouldn’t have to get a shrink involved.

 

You find yourself frowning at the thought, wrapping a towel around your tan lined waist (gained from helping your dad out at his construction site this past summer) and heading over to the sink and getting cleaned up and somewhat decent for school before pulling on your faded blue jeans followed by your baggy, battered navy hoody you’d brought along with you – hair still a bit damp as you left the bathroom, running into a very sleepy looking sister of yours.

 

Jade’s hair is a dark tinted mess of tangled knots, pulled into a carelessly loose, ponytail as she swayed on her feet for a moment, pausing with a sluggish and rather over exaggerated groan as her face ran into your chest.  
  
You bite back a chuckle, up-righting your twin and steering her in direction of the bathroom, “Be ready in thirty minutes or I’ll leave with out you.” Your tone is teasing but you are dead serious, Jade always made it to the bus stop just in time anyway, even if she didn’t walk there fifteen minutes early like you always tended to. You preferred arriving early anyway. The view of the sky in that particular was _really_ stunning – you simply liked the scene, admiring it even more so when you were alone. There were no trees in that particular clearing across the street, or buildings – not even a house to block the view!  
  
There were even days when Jade would tag along and humor you, pulling out her sketchbook and sketching out the beautiful sunrise that would sit on the horizon, when it wasn’t cloud outside, clear as day in your little suburb.  
  
You hum lightly to yourself, a pleasant melody on your lips as you put some butter on a few pieces of bread and pop them in the toaster, nibbling a piece with a pleasant hum as you pop in two more in for when Jade finishes getting dressed.

 

You sigh a bit as you look at the clock, grabbing your backpack from the corner of the entrance with, time was already up – Jade was still showering. You supposed that she wouldn’t be coming along with you today…

And with that faint (and rather indifferent) thought you grab an umbrella from the coat closet and head out of the front door. The rain falls in a steady shower as you open your umbrella, you begin to relax, mood even lightening at the soft pitter-patter of the rain on your umbrella. You always had loved the rain.

 

It had different moods – if it was storming and thundering, the sky was shouting, _screaming_ , the wind being it’s willing tool to raise hell. If it there was a steady summer or perhaps an easy fall shower, the skies were weeping; in sadness or in happiness depended on how much the wind was helping out its sister that day –

 

You cut your thoughts off abruptly, feeling the color drain from your face as you walked along the sidewalk, speed quickening as you made a beeline for the bus stop.

 

It had happened yet again, twice this morning.  
  
You bite the inside of your cheek, casting your head down as you hurry down the two blocks to the bus stop, forcing your mind to frankly _shut the hell up_ for once. Finding an uneasy sort of peace wash over you as it does as it is told, oddly enough. You arrive at the final stretch to the bus stop, blinking in shock as you happen upon a figure.  
  
Oh.  
  
This was new.  
  
There were only two other kids besides yourself and Jade who were picked up by the bus at this particular stop.

 

Two of those kids graduated last year.

 

You’re admittedly a bit curious, walking closer and finding the other youth to be dressed in black skinny jeans – along with a bright red hoodie that seemed far too big for him.  
  
He stood by the bus stop, hoodie pulled over his head as he watched the pouring rain. You’re dazed for a moment, studying him up and down from a little ways away – he was a bit on the lanky side, not exactly tall, but not short either. You can’t make out anything else with that baggy red hoodie he’s sporting.

 

You notice he doesn’t have an umbrella, finding your legs carrying you closer and closer until, before you even realize it, you’re right by his side, offering a bit of a smile down at the other as you hold your umbrella over his head. “It’s raining, you know? You’ll get soaked if you just stand out here with a hoodie, man.” You over a bit of a friendly grin at the other, your slight overbite made obvious by the smile, you assume he’s a new freshman transfer by his size and lanky body, you think perhaps the other hasn’t grown into his limbs yet…

 

The boy seems surprised, twitching a bit and stiffening before glancing up at you, hesitantly pulling down his hood, a pair of Ben Stiller shades resting easily on his nose.  
  
And _oh_ this boy is certainly not a freshman.

 

The first thing you notice is platinum blonde hair.

 

As in “the-type-you-see-in-young-children” physique of platinum blonde – it looks like it would be fine and silky to the touch. His skin appears to be rather pale, you’d rather not use the word ‘porcelain’ to describe it; that sounds _really_ fucking gay, even coming from yourself and it wasn’t even a remotely accurate term to boot. His nose and cheeks were dotted and sprinkled with little, light, brown spots that you found rather cute and attractive to be totally honest with yourself.  
  
Your eyes linger on his fair, pale collarbone for a bit longer than you’d like to admit. You’re rather flustered when you notice him studying you right back, feeling his gaze, curious and intent from behind those darkly tinted shades of his.  
  
“I--…” You clear your throat, stumbling over the word, “I’m John – John Egbert, it’s nice to meet you.” You say with a bit of an awkward, somewhat sheepish smile as you turn to look out at the rain, anything to avoid that intense gaze you could feel from behind the other’s shades. The other looks up at you, seeming almost startled for a split second before relaxing the slightest bit.  
  
He offers a bit of a half smile, you find your eyes lingering on those full lips of his.  
  
“I’m Dave, just Dave.” He gave a bit of a firm nod, before pausing, looking thoughtful, “But if ya’ feel that full names are somethin’ to get all hyped up and bothered about, my last name’s Strider.”  
  
You notice a slight Southern twang in his voice, blinking down at him again, once, then twice, before smiling and turning back to watch the pattering rain. “Heh, well, it’s nice to meet you, Dave.”  
  
“Likewise, John.”

  
The both of you spend fifteen minutes watching the rain, sharing an umbrella under the steady April shower.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a meeting in the rain? wow, thinking on it a bit that's a little cliche -- i hope it's not too cheesy a start


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick warning and a heads up -- theres a bit of physical violence tied in with bullying in this chapter, i really don't want to offend or trigger anyone, so i'll put warnings at the beginning of this chapter just to be safe

They come for you in your free period – just before lunch.

 

You’re still a bit on the bubbly-happy side of things, mind still buzzing over the transfer student you’d met today by the bus stop; the silence had been nice, his smile had been nice. He’d stared silently ahead by your side up until Jade came round, buzzing on and on about falling asleep standing while drying her hair (when you inquire about how the flying fuck someone manages that, she simply waves you off, chattering and apologizing about being later than usual).  
  
What confuses you, however, is your twin’s initial reaction to Dave. She starts and freezes like a stone mid-sentence, eyebrows furrowing as she fell silent, studying the blonde thoroughly. Dave had gone pale – well, paler than he was, and stared at the sidewalk self-consciously, rubbing his arm awkwardly and shifting closer to your side – surprisingly you didn’t mind the sudden closeness, in fact it ends up making a giddy sort of feeling curl in your stomach.

 

The silence had been deafening Dave looked so uncomfortable in contrast to when you’d meet him a few minutes ago that you almost tell Jade to back off.  
  
But your sister eventually forced a smile back onto her lips (that soon became genuine) as she began chattering again, “Hey there, Mr. Shades, cool to meet you, name’s Jade – Jade H. Egbert. And, I’m sure you’ve met John –” They’d hit it off after that, making idle chit-chat as the three of you waited for the bus, it had arrived far too soon in your opinion, personally.

 

The three of you quickly separated when you were all dropped off at school, along with the other kids on the bus. You waved to Dave and he’d waved back with that little half smile of his, which always seemed to have a hopeful twinge to it.  
  
This felt nice too; having people to talk to other than your, significantly more social, twin sister anyway.

 

You hadn’t forgotten the initial tension – oh no, you sure as hell didn’t, Jade was friendly. She didn’t even look the slightest bit intimidating! And with her yellow-colored star spotted rain coat and her neon green rain boots she didn’t look anywhere near threatening enough to ignite that kind of reaction from Dave (from what you’ve seen of him anyway, he didn’t seem like the type of person to be too easily shaken).

 

She could be a bit hotheaded but she was a friendly person, and Jade didn’t react like that, not to you, not to anyone. Not even to strangers, you’d known her and grown up with the girl all your damn life and you’d never once seen such an unreadable expression on her face.

 

A hand sets itself heavily on your shoulder, yanking you out of your thoughts as you are going through your locker in the hallway, having stepped out of your free period to grab your Bio textbook for some studying – you had a test coming up soon and… **_oh._** Mother _fuck_. You nibble your bottom lip and bite back an exasperated sigh; glancing down at the hand on your shoulder with furrowed eyebrows before glancing back at the freshman-lackey who’d went and tapped you.

  
“Hey there, Devin, still the cool kids’ little messenger?” The words come out a bit more bitter than you intended, and the kid flinches, shifting uncomfortably (obviously ashamed – _good_ ) and nudging your shoulder, not even moving you an inch.  
  
“Come on, we don’t have all day.”  
  
You sigh, waving the younger boy off with a flick of your wrist, as if brushing a bug off your shoulder, “Yeah, yeah.” You state simply, rubbing your temples. “Inside the tool shed in back of the school, right?” you ask, forcing an awkward sort of smile onto your lips.

 

Devin nods, motioning for you to follow him, keeping his head low, staring at the ground -- a rather sickeningly satisfied feeling settles in your stomach when you spot the obvious guilt in his features. **_Good_**. You distract yourself from your… impending dilemma by glancing towards the window; the rain had seemed to grow heavier and more insistent, as if outraged, _angry_ at your situation even – a swift thunderclap yanks you out of your far less than sane thoughts before they can begin to manifest. Things are awkwardly silent between you and the younger boy leading you to your awaiting ‘ass kicking’. You don’t mind the silence at all, simply listening to the somewhat comforting _pitter-patter_ of the rain on the windows, letting yourself relax.  
  
You’d long since resigned to this routine.

 

When you arrive at the gym exit, four guys about twice your size are all waiting for you. Their arrogant smirks and holier than thou leers are enough to make your stomach twist and churn like something ugly and terrible. Your teeth grit, and you contemplate the pros and cons of punching that smug star quarterback ringleader in the face.  
  
Of course you don’t, however.

 

People like this weren’t worth it, and you make sure your glare shows them so, as you stand straighter, shoulders pushed back, eyes hardened and guarded – just like Dad taught you. Always how Dad taught you.

 

You don’t flinch as you’re yanked out into the rain and shoved into the mud.

 

You don’t make a sound as four guys _bigger than you_ and just as strong as you, maybe even _stronger_ , take turns driving their heels into your stomach _laughing. They have the nerve to laugh at you._

  
You don’t fight back.

 

You don’t run either.

 

You stay in a comfortable in-between, not fighting back, but not letting yourself become a punching bag, either – guarding yourself from the blows; not lowering yourself to cry and sob but you’re not stubborn enough to stifle your pained groans.

 

_Well, comfortable wasn’t the right word exactly._

 

Someone (you can’t tell who, gaze far too clouded and dazed from the blows to your stomach and chest with the added difficulty of the pelting rain) yanks you off of the ground by the collar; the other youth sneers in your face before pulling his fist back.  
  
You don’t guard yourself from the blow this time around.

 

_It was more as though… things were easier this way, you supposed._

 

.

.

.

.

 

You try not to limp to lunch – you honestly do fucking try, but your sides are bruised like hell and you feel like your jaw just got slammed into a plate of steel. You grab your bagged lunch from your locker, heading, though admittedly with more difficulty than you’d care to mention, into the Cafeteria.

 

You nearly fall flat on your face as someone –probably Devin, you assume by the guilty look the freshman shoots you, _aw, poor guilty little baby_ , hah – puts their foot out in front of you, quite effectively making you stumble, instead of your face, you catch yourself on your knees, feeling your cheeks burn in mortification as you hear laughs and giggles from behind you at the designated ‘popular table’.  
  
You get to your feet and keep walking, fairly pleased to see that Jade had been off in the lunch line, too distracted to notice the scene – having forgotten her lunch at home today.  
  
You sag in relief, before immediately stiffening up at the sight of Dave staring – he could’ve been _glaring_ but you chalked that observation up to your own personal paranoia – the was just no way he cared enough to glare; in your direction, his eyebrows furrowed.

 

You flinch, offering a bit of a sheepish smile and putting a finger to your lips; in more of a shooshing motion than anything as you walk over to your and Jade’s table (and you suppose Dave’s table as well from now on by how things were going). You slide in next to him before you even realize even it, the action had been out of pure instinct; you just… felt a burning need to be close to him, you supposed…

 

Oh.

 

That was a needlessly creepy and mildly stalker-ish thought for a kid you just met this morning at your bus stop; you decide you’ll quit thinking like that.  
  
 _(The problem is that you don’t think you_ can _stop.)_

 

Dave is frowning at you, hand twitching for a moment as if hesitating. You blink curiously for a moment, watching him. His hand doesn’t move, instead he swallows, glancing down at the table for a moment.  
  
“That kid, last hour, you… followed him.” he finally said, voice surprising clear and very upset… upset for _you_. Your eyebrows furrow yet again, mouth pressed into a thin white line. Dave falters a bit at your expression, glancing down again – his expression appeared nervous? Conflicted? Ugh!

You really couldn’t tell much of anything with those shades of his.  
  
“Why?” he simply asked after a long pause, looking over at you, gazing through tinted shades. Jade calls your name from across the lunchroom and waves, making her way over to the table. You give him a short, clipped response, shrugging lightly.  
  
“Because if not me? Then who else would do it?”  
  
The words come out far more defensive than intended, and Dave doesn’t bring up the subject again. You’re happy about this, even more so when he doesn’t bring it up in German (the only one out of two classes the two of you seem to have together, you find Dave is fairly good at it, picking the language up right away. His excuse is to say that he learned early on as a child. An itching feeling in your chest tells you he’s lying, but you don’t inquire, figuring it to be more simple paranoia). Dave doesn’t even bring the subject up on the bus, chatting away with Jade again – something about the constellations? You aren’t quite sure.  
  
You’re just glad that Dave got the hint and dropped the subject quickly.

 

You and Dave both share a smile as the three of you part in opposite directions from the bus stop that afternoon, something in your chest flipflops at the sight of Dave's  smile, but you opt to blame it on general nerves at meeting someone new. Someone that isn't your twin sister.

  
  
You think you and Dave have the potential to be great friends. Things were starting to look up, better late than never in your junior year, you guessed. Life could be a late bitch at times.

 

_(Now if only those troubling dreams of yours would just disappear already and leave you be – things would just be perfect.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the issue of john's bullies come around to light -- i swear it's not just being brushed off here, guys, and i hope i got john down correctly in this scene, i don't quite fancy john as the type to just take a beating while lying down. but i also think he'd have a little more sense and self-control not to fight back. haha, so i got caught in a bit of an in-between of sorts...


	4. Chapter Three

_You are dreadfully angry._   
  
_Within your palace you sit upon your golden throne, teeth grinding as your hands clench and unclench in and out of fists; you conjure up a portal with a snap of your fingers – and begin to order the winds to twirl._   
  
_Fueled by your anger and fury they spin and spin, ripping across prairie plains, destroying and devastating all within its way. Your fury only grows, jaw locking in place as the winds whirl and split the country side straight down the middle with the coals of your resentment strengthening it; making it strong. The winds whirl and twist towards a town, screaming, screaming, screaming, so much fright they bring._   
  
_You don’t hesitate, in fact you guide the winds with more of your anger and bitter spite, together, the winds form, melding and creating a monstrous hell that ripped and tore everything in its path, destroy, destroy, destroy –_

_A hand sets itself on top of yours, you stiffen in place as a calming thumb strokes over your knuckles; the touch was light – oh so very light. You nearly find yourself relaxing, the raging winds of the twister in the portal begin to slow and dissipate. Your eyes are cast downward as you bite our tongue, trying to control your breathing – you couldn’t show your anger – no, your **wrath** to him, never him._

_He leans before you, a cape of pure passionate red sprawled across the marble of the floor as he brings your palm to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the spot, following a second one to your palm, his eyes look into yours, kind and uncharacteristically soft – not at all intense and piercing like you knew they could be. He presses a pale hand to your cheeks, pink, full (and soft, oh so very soft) lips parting, hesitating._  
  
 _“John, John, I— **RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!**_ ”

 

 

 _Slam!_ Your fist comes down solidly on the alarm clock as you wake with a growl, “Son of a bitch.” You tossed off your blankets, striding over to the window and slamming it open damn near roaring in frustration, “ _SON OF A BITCH…!!!”_  You shout like a mad man into the dark neighborhood suburb, breath coming out in heavy, labored huffs as you pull away from the window – a surprising sense of satisfaction curling in your gut as you instantly hear the barking of dogs all up and down the block, a few lights even turning on in the houses across the street.

 

Your back is against the wall – eyes squeezed shut as you feel yourself begin to tremble and quake, before you realize it, you’re sobbing and your door is slamming open and your _sister_ is at your side, rubbing your back in slow soothing motions, hushing you now and then as she rocks you in her arms.  
  
It feels nice. Jade is a comforting, familiar presence.

 

Yet, you still feel like the scum of the earth for wishing to see those red, red, _passionate red_ rubies instead of your sister’s concerned spring-bud colored emeralds.

 

.

.

.

 

Dave doesn’t ask questions that morning at the bus stop when he notices your red rimmed eyes. It was raining again; he didn’t have an umbrella – so the both of you opt to share again. It was just the two of you today – Jade had a dentist appointment to get to.

 

He simply leans into you, and says nothing as he sets a hand on your shoulder, giving it a simple, light, comforting squeeze. Startlingly, with his touch you find a smile coming to your lips – just like clockwork, you lean against him right back, and the both of you look out at the pelting April shower. He doesn’t ask. You don’t instigate.  
  
You find you enjoy the silence; it’s comfortable, it feels _nice_. And it reminds you of how your stomach felt all fluttery and coiling when you saw Dave for the first time –a few Monday’s ago by now you believe. By now he’d begun to fit rather nicely into your and Jade’s little world. You didn’t mind it, in fact you welcomed it, you actually had a friend for once.  
  
Granted his mouth usually ran about a mile a minute… but nothing that you couldn’t tolerate!

 

 _Dave’s voice is low and soothing. You love his voice, it seems like it would make a wonderful singing voice –_ **No**.

 

You shake the thoughts loose, lips twisting down into a frown – you find yourself running your tongue over your braces nervously. _No_. You mentally repeat to yourself. That voice wasn’t yours – well. It _was_ your voice, but it also just _wasn’t_ at the same time, that much you knew. You aren’t entirely sure how to deal with that little problem yet, but you suppose you’d cross that bridge when you get to it – once it become a bothersome bridge you couldn’t ignore (if you didn’t go insane first, anyway).

 

Dave blinks a little curiously, tilting his head over at you, and you realize that you are in fact staring.

 

“… Somethin’ you wanna go ahead and share, man?” his eyebrows knitted in confusion, though he seems torn with being amused at your most likely flabbergasted, flustered expression that you could feel your face twisting into.  
  
You blush, looking away and scratching the back of you neck awkwardly, “Naw, I’m alright, heh, sorry – I ended up spacing out there.”  
  
“At my face.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“For uh, five minutes?”  
  
“... Yeah.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
A rather awkward silence falls over the both of you right then. You cough, pretending to clear your throat as you smile uncertainly over at Dave; “So, uh, we’ve got dissections in Bio today, uh, I think it’s supposed to be fish we’re working on today…? Or was it frogs?” You (very gracefully thank you very much) instigate a subject change, adjusting your glasses and focusing your gaze on a nearby puddle.  
  
You watch the raindrops disturb the surface as Dave shrugs beside you, “I dunno. I don’t honestly pay much attention.” You blink.  
  
Now, Bio wasn’t the most exciting subject in school obviously – you much preferred the ‘genetics’ unit, but Dave usually sat right at attention during class (though then again, he may or may not have been just staring into plain space, thinking back on it now). You sigh, why would you care this much, _anyway_? When it came down to it, Dave was just an acquaintance, in these two weeks you’d come to know him, the both of you had grown rather close, sure. But _not_ very at the same time – your friendship was technically still in the experimental stage, somewhere between the ‘acquaintances that talk’ and actual ‘friends that laugh together’ stages.

 

The point was you didn’t know if you were allowed to _preach_ at him or not yet.

 

How did friends work, anyway? You’d had a few in grade school, and even some that stuck with you through middle school, but that was about it. Just Jade and you – you and Jade; when it all boiled down to it, she was the only one willing to stick with you through all the bad times, the good times too.  
  
(Though that’s what family _does_ , but you would digress.)

 

You catch the other staring up at you quizzically yet again after a time, “… Ah.” Your cheeks flush in mild embarrassment when you realize the conversation hadn’t exactly closed properly… it was more open ended now that you thought about it.  
  
“Well, uh, why don’t you pay attention in class then, man? You’re a transfer. You should really focus more on school…” Oops, you’d ended up preaching at him after all – god, you hoped this isn’t a very touchy subject. However, as if to dismiss your fears completely, Dave snorts out loud, leaning against you fully as his form quakes in a series of silent chuckles and bitten back snickers.  
  
You think this is the first time you’ve ever heard Dave laugh – _for real_ not just a snicker – a genuine laugh. You find yourself grinning back, smile probably admittedly goofily, well, with how Jade usually describes your smile anyway (even if the both of you had the same smile – it was an extremely silly thing of her to try and tease you about your appearance since the two of you were twins after all!)  
  
“…. What’s so funny?” You ask, tone rather amused as you tilt your head down at him; arching a curious eyebrow.  
  
“N-Nothing…” Dave manages to wheeze, hugging his arms around his stomach he looks ready to double over, “S-S’just… No one’s ever thought to show concern about shit like that s’all.” He quirks a smile your way, looking up at you and meeting your eyes behind darkly tinted shades.

 

“I’m not… much used to people lookin’ past my damn devilish good looks I suppose; fuckin’ kudos there, Egbert.” Dave is still leaning against you, shoulders quaking as he attempts (and fails) to hold back more of his laughter. “Just what I’d expect from a person like you.” He seems to say this without a second thought, blurting it out and seeming to instantly regret it, smile thinning out a little.  
  
Dave’s sudden change in demeanor isn’t quite enough to scare you off the subject, however – though you’re temped to tease him about being egoistical with that ‘devilish good looks’ comment. “… ‘A person like me’?” You arch an eyebrow.  
  
He shifts his weight from foot to foot, but doesn’t put any distance between the two of you, in fact, you’re almost sure his face is pressed against your shoulder at this point. “Yeah… Yeah.” Dave takes his sweet time answering, glancing down for a moment or two. “Someone like you.”  
  
“Getting awful affectionate there, Mr. Strider. If I didn’t know any better I’d go out on a limb here and say that you like having me around.” You joke with him a little, eyebrows knitting in confusion when he doesn’t reply right away. In these past few weeks you’d noticed that Dave at least had a tendency to humor you in dumb, silly banter. This time was different. This time he was silent, starting off into the rain.

 

 For some strange reason, you got the most absurd feeling that Dave wasn’t _with_ you, right now. Well, obviously he was physically right here next to you, but his mind seemed like it was wandering a little too far away from you for your liking.  
  
Without honestly thinking about it, you reach out your hand and grab one of Dave’s wrists in an attempt to anchor the other right back down to Earth ( _with you where he belongs –_ **nonononono** , shut _up_ , that’s fucking creepy, dammit). He seems to snap out of it, startling something terrible, head tilting slightly to look down at your hand on his wrist. He regards you blankly for a moment, seeming to slowly return to earth before he parts his lips, seeming ready to say something right then – eyebrows knitting in an emotion that could’ve been apprehension.  
  
“John, listen I—” It’s barely even three words that he manages to get out before the bus pulls up. Dave seems to snap back to normal _completely_ this time around, straightening up and pulling away from your side.

 

He hurries over to the doors as they open, looking at you over his shoulder – you notice his grip is rather tight on his backpack strips, but opt not to call him out on it.  
  
“Best hurry up princess, the bus ain’t gonna wait all morning.”

 

You shake off everything, the dreams, the quiet moment under the rain, Dave’s laugh, how he spaced out – and you grin, hurrying to catch up with him.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I got it, dude, no need to be all whiney about it.”  
  
“Shush.” Dave rolls his eyes, but he quirks an affectionate smile as he socks you lightly in the arm. You think you feel your heart _melt_.  
  
It’s around then that you realize. _‘Oh fuck. He’s gorgeous.’_

 

Ironically enough you also realize _. ‘Oh fuck, I’m royally screwed.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final prewritten chapter i have written for now -- i'll try and update on a somewhat regular basis from now on, the goal being once a week, or two if im stuck on how to write a scene, the next chapter will be chalk damn full of more confused John and hopefully i'll be able to introduce rose, i do hope you'll all comment and tell me if i've made any mistakes on characterization or grammar, or otherwise


	5. Chapter Four

The first thing anyone must know about Dave Strider is that he wears his heart on his sleeve – haha, even if he doesn’t _mean_ to!

 

Well, that’s the impression you get from him, anyway! He’s cocky, he’s got a temper, he’s prideful and he won’t admit his losses no matter what. He secretly loves people, he’ll ramble a mile a minute just because he hates silence.

He’s selfish in his own way (but more in an unintentional ‘I really don’t care what happens to me’ kind of way than anything).

 

He’s too nice sometimes.

 

He’s passionate.

 

He sucks royally at _Call of Duty_.

 

He likes music – of all varieties, he’s even admitted to liking opera (again, not that he’d ever, ever, _ever_ admit half of this stuff in public).

 

He’s nosey, he tries not to smile often because he hates how crooked it looks, he never takes off his shades, he likes sweets (ugh), he hates cold weather, he’s so painfully honest and genuine it’s against his very _nature_ to tell a proper lie – empathize ‘proper’ you try not to count weird metaphors and half truths on Dave’s end of things.

 

Three weeks, four days, two hours and six minutes in counting since that day you met Dave Strider in the rain and you’re head-over-heels-doomed. Fallen so deep you don’t think you’ll ever be able to climb out of the hole you’ve dug yourself into levels of doomed. And surprisingly (or unsettlingly depending on how you look at it) enough… that’s okay with you. It had begun as a subtle pull that you’d mistaken as friendship the first few weeks; the feeling had teased and nagged at you over and over to acknowledge it until it just went ahead and punched you in the gut a good week or so ago.

God, did that realization knock the wind out of you for a day… or five – though to give yourself some credit, you managed to make it look like two. You’d call this quite the accomplishment actually, granted you skipped school under guise of a bad cold those two days, but it was still enough time to pull yourself together so Jade wouldn’t worry too much.

 

You’re just glad Dad hadn’t been home to see you like that. Dad wasn’t like Jade – Dad would pry and pry until he figured out what was _eating_ at you and well… truthfully you weren’t ready for that. Thank god he was in New York on business right about now. Otherwise, you have the worst and most unsettling feeling that he’d end up double teaming with Jade again and hounding you about your odd behavior.

 

Maybe you’d tell him about Dave and your weird ass delusions about the sky, one day– preferably on his deathbed.

 

“John?” You’re startled out of your thoughts by a familiar voice, blinking in Dave’s direction curiously as you make a valiant attempt not to appear _too_ sheepish. Oh, oops. You’d gone and spaced out again – fuck, shit, what the hell were the two of you supposed to be doing again?

 

“What’s up?” you ask, pointedly keeping your gaze fixated on Dave’s aviators—as to avoid checking your friend out like a total creep.

 

He creases his eyebrows, looking almost wary as he stares blankly at something you’re holding in your hands (wait, fuck, this is Chemistry Block isn’t it?) Dave nibbled on the end of his mechanical pencil, gaze clearly focused on your hands as he frowned deeply, “The dish. The bottom of the pantry dish is starting to burn, dude.”

 

It takes a few extra beats of a second for the signal to travel to your brain; you glance at the white glass dish and you’re sure your jaw unhinges as your face goes ashen. “Oh, fuck...” You hiss, quickly yanking the clamps away from the flame – its powdery contents had turned an ugly grayish brown as if to match the burned-black bottom of the dish.

 

You hurry to snatch the clamps away from the flame, unfortunately, dropping the dish in the process – well, more like you send it flying. “Oh, _fuck_.” You mumble with renewed horror, voice half a whine. Of all of your dumb luck… god, you’re such a scatterbrain lately. Well, at least the chemicals your class is using aren’t hazardous—

 

Wait a moment. It’s been way too long, at least more than five seconds.

 

You blink right then, you’d only squeezed your eyes shut for a second, mostly to wish away the impending shattering of glass and the general panic that comes along with it. Even if the dish by some miracle ended up not breaking at the very least you should’ve heard a clatter by now. You look right, then left for a second, looking for wherever the dish landed (hoping against all hopes that it didn’t land on someone’s head or in a hoodie with your terrible luck). You spot a group next to you – a girl and a boy you’ve known since elementary school, she’s awful fond of cats, everyone tends to call her ‘Nep’, the other being her constant companion, though his name slips your mind – you see her nudge her partner, face draining of color.

 

You find yourself glancing down as you hear the sound of a pained hiss and a string of mumbled curses you recognize immediately as Dave’s.

 

“ _Shit_ … fuckfuckfuck that hurt a-helluva-lot more than I thought it would…”

 

 

.

.

.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“For the last time, man, it’s _fine_.”

 

“Fuck, Dave, I’m really sorry, if I hadn’t spaced out like that…”

 

“Shush”

 

“But—”

 

“You’re underestimating my patience, for your totally unfounded self-hatred and blame, dude, so help me god I will sick Harley on you.”

 

“I’m still—Harley?” You crinkle your nose, cutting yourself off; that’s a new one, “Where the hell did you even _get_ that one?”

 

“Middle name’s the next best thing, couldn’t call her ‘Egbert’, now could I?” Dave arched an eyebrow.  “That’s a nickname designated especially for you, man. No take backs or repeats, ya’know?”

 

“Well… I guess, but. It’s weird; no one else even uses it – not since _elementary school_.”

 

“Call it a special bond then, like: ‘shit harley watch out youve got a strider you aint ever gonna get rid of its official youve got the unique nickname and everything youre stuck with me for life chicky get used to that shit’, you feel?”

 

“You’re weird.” Were you losing it? You’d swear to god that you just mentally converted that rant to the way Dave writes notes to you in red pen during class—the hell?

 

God, you were _definitely_ losing it.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 

You roll your eyes a little and sigh, gently holding Dave’s hands over the sink as cold water drizzled from the faucet. “… But Jesus, Dave what possessed you to do something this…” you trailed off a little searching for the right word: ‘stupid’, ‘dumb’, ‘idiotic’, ‘dangerous’…? So many choices. “I mean, who the hell sees a burning 100 plus degree pantry dish fly through the air and thinks to themselves ‘I’m gonna catch that’? You’re lucky you didn’t get a second degree burn or worse, seriously.” Now that you thought about it that _was_ weird. He should’ve gotten something at least a little worse than normal, run through the mill stove burns—he’d held the dish long enough to set it down on the table!

 

Dave shrugged a little lamely, breaking your train of thought for the moment, “Call it reflex, I guess.” At your unconvinced look he elaborates, “I’ve got some really great reflexes, been doing martial arts since I was five or six.” He shrugged; pointedly looking away from your skeptical gaze, he seems almost uncomfortable with the subject.

 

You arch an eyebrow. “… Martial arts.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“That’s the answer you’re going with.”

 

“Yep.” You groan, that’s complete and utter bullshit, if you ever did hear any.

 

Well… to be fair it didn’t seem like Dave was _lying_ per say, more as if he were… leaving out a lot of important details. And you found it extremely irritating, it’d only been three weeks but you’d thought the two of you had clicked fairly well... and it kind of hurt that he thought he couldn’t tell you more about himself, honestly.

 

“Ugh. Fine, don’t tell me.” You flick his forehead with a small vengeance in mind; earning a satisfying pout from your friend, “See if I care.” You mumble quietly, you hadn’t meant to say it out loud; it’s more to yourself than anything.

 

Dave frowns deeply, eyebrows furrowing, “John, come on, you know I didn’t mean it like that…” Mean what, exactly? Jesus, all he’d said to begin with that he’d learned martial arts when he was young; logically he shouldn’t have to feel sorry for it.

 

He knew exactly why you were upset, just like you could tell when he was happy, or annoyed, or teasing (you watch Dave way too much for your own good, it’s almost pathetic). That… was something really weird and new to you too. True that some people just ‘click’ and become best friends within a week—you’ve seen that happen once or twice, kind of like Nep and the big guy or Feferi and that douche on the swim team.

 

But, you and Dave were different in a way…? It was almost as if you’d known each other for forever and a day and that day you met in the rain was a homecoming of sorts. Dave was weird in general, and you don’t even have his dumb phone number, the idiot is so secretive! With all the rambling he does on a daily basis you’d think he’d spout a few bits of information about _himself_ once in a blue moon.

 

Bluh. Friends and having crushes are hard. They’re hard and no one understands.

 

Crap. You hadn’t continued the conversation had you? Oops. “John?” his eyebrows furrow above his shades as you meet his eyes, “Dude, I really am sorry, come on, work with me here, keep me in the loop. Are we still cool?” He fidgets with his hands still under the faucet, almost looking guilty at this point.

 

You blink a little before rolling your eyes with a snort, “Yeah, man, we’re still cool—just got lost in thought that’s all it was.”

 

He still looks unconvinced which makes you roll your eyes again, letting out a bit of a huff, “Gosh, Dave! It’s fine, this time I’m being honest,” you pause for a moment. “I’m a little upset that you won’t even give me your cellphone number, though, come on.”

 

Dave blinks, “Don’t have one.”

 

You pause eyebrows furrowing, “Uh, come again?”

 

“I don’t have a cellphone—got a laptop though, pesterchum account all set up and everything.”

 

You’re still hung up on the whole cellphone thing, because _seriously_? In this day and age? How do you have a laptop but not have a cellphone? “Um.” You pause, blinking as Dave’s words catch up with you. “…Oh, wow. Okay, mind telling me what it is?”

 

“TurntechGodhead.” You make a face and can’t help snorting, because oh man, that’s worse than your own handle you made at thirteen.

 

“Oh my god, you’re such a douche, man.”

 

“I am the very definition of douchebagery and don’t you forget it.” You can’t help snickering as you wet a cloth, instructing Dave to hold it over his hands for a while.

 

You leave him in the nurse’s office, taking extra detailed notes for the both of you during German block. The day ends relatively uneventful after that, and you, Dave, and Jade ride the bus home from school that day in high spirits.

 

Though you and Jade huff and scold at Dave a lot for doing something so _stupid_ and generally dumb, you find yourself with a feathery, light feeling in your chest that doesn’t seem to want to go away, not even when you shower and get ready for bed that night.

 

But it’s odd. You feel like something’s still missing. Like there’s a fourth piece to the puzzle that just isn’t there.

 

That night, you dream of purple eyes and a vibrant yellow instead of the usual passionate red you’d come to expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man, this took way longer than it should have, haha, um? i got really busy with schoolwork and also very lazy at the same time? sorry, guys! its winter break for me so i decided to push this chapter through with all my might (unfortunately, i'm /still/ not happy with it, geeze :// i hope you all like it.) anyway, i'll probably go back and fix a few stray typos i caught in the other chapters while i'm at it! sorry again for the long gap in between chapters omg,,, , ahh, but if you guys are curious about me or this au you can find me on tumblr here
> 
> http://davestridersbottombitch.tumblr.com/tagged/godstuck under my godstuck tag
> 
> ((also ugh ugh ugh i didn't get to introduce rose directly this chapter! john ended up swooning about his crush for 1000 words, oops.))


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